Farther and

Words slide past her, not sinking in somehow
It was here once, that magic that's gone now
What does it take, she asks to be someone
What is still left after everything's done?

One, two, three, four
Somebody worth waiting for
Five, six, seven, eight
Then the waiter waits no more

Where did it go, that happiness she had?
Minutes ago, but it's transformed to

No

One, two, three, four
Somebody worth waiting for
Five, six, seven, eight
Then the waiter waits no more

It will be fine, she promises her friends
But the pot of gold where the rainbow ends
The more you run, the farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and farther and

One, two, three, four
Now the waiter waits no more

Drawing lines

I never wanted anything
More than the knowledge of who I am
And I wish I could tell you, but there are
Lines between me, myself and I
It's so easy, drawing lines...
And if they're broken, I will crumble
Running in circles, not saying a word
So many lines...
On and on...
Really don't want to be like this
Really don't want you to see me like this
You know I'm not enough

Rainbow is for all of you (also hi Lucy, I wanted to mention you here, but this poem is for everyone, so I didn't want to put it in the title, but it needs to go by the rainbow, so....yeah)

Red is for all the blood, that's for sure...
Orange is for the worldwide sunset
Yellow is for bananas
Green is for Charlie, the blade of grass
Blue is for mustaches
Purple is for carrots, and also Trip's hair

Black is for shadows
White is for light
There's been plenty of both here, plenty of both

I miss you

But all in all, I think I'm happy with my decision

Well, not happy so much as I think it was the right thing to do under the given circumstances

Much love,

Fabi

Not sure why I've taken the time to find all these dresses, but...

Me

Fabi

Liz, Aevil, Siren, Sheena, Sadie, Effie
Cas, Sophia, Mira, Everly, Raeza, Maeve

I haven't found any for J.A., Faeris, Adamantha, Ami, Spectrum, Avalyn, Cal, Moss(character) or anyone else who isn't there... Not sure if I will. On the one hand, it's fun. On the other, there's really not much point.

I wish I could find as much happiness in planning for the ball as you do, but there's so much that feels...wrong, and I can't look past it all. I didn't want to say anything, because I don't want to make any of you feel like you're not good enough for me. It's not that, not at all. It's all these...details.

I mean, I could go into them. I want to say something somewhere... I just think it'd be better if I posted it where all you people who've put time and thought into making this ball happen won't read it. It's not any of you personally, but, well, I'd rather not offend anyone just now.

My SP Story (as best as I can remember)

*Vague LSODM spoilers. Nothing about specific characters, though*

The summer of 2011, my priority list went like this.

1. Get better.
2. Get SP books 4-6.

There were other things on that list, too, but they're not really relevant to this...

I'm not sure when I first read the series. Sometime in late 2010, I think.

I'd looked at the blog a few times, but didn't want to comment until I was caught up on all the main books, if not the short stories/novellas.

I got Dark Days through Death Bringer right about when Kingdom of the Wicked came out. I remember seeing the spoiler post when I went back to reading the blog regularly. I got to borrow KOTW from a friend, and I sort of quick-read it, which was basically as bad as reading spoilers, since I couldn't enjoy it and had to give it back. I have my own copy now, though. :-)

I got TMS right about when people were getting LSODM, and LSODM a couple weeks later. I was reading it between dance classes, and my friend Emily had to take the book out of my hand and put it back in my dance bag.

I finished it the next day, though, and cried a lot.

A couple weeks later, I went to Val's party. It was awesome. Derek attended for a little while via Skype.

I actually started writing a song about it...

Surrounded by the weirdos as we gather round the screen
My head's packed with ideas, and I don't know what they mean
I sort through thoughts and try to think of something cool to say
When all of my idea bubbles drift and blow away
[Guitar riff/chorus of some sort]

I'd imagined it a million times, but when I tried to speak
It came out as a death threat, then it came out as a speak
The folks behind me laughed, so I don't know if he replied
I got really embarrassed, time to run away and hide

[More guitar riff/chorus of some sort]

Everyone has had a turn; we gather around Val
Who's read Last Stand of Dead Men and demands your rationale
We all request to know why all these characters must die
You grin that evil grin of yours, look glad to see us cry

[more guitar riff/chorus of some sort]

And that's as far as I got. I do, however, plan to include the strange, strange people who ate pictures of your face.

That, however, would probably be going on and on too much, which might annoy people who weren't there. (I wish you had been there, though. That'd have been even cooler!)

Anyway, I'm excited/nervous for TDOTL, which I'll get in...a few weeks. I don't know. Hopefully soon enough that I'll be able to avoid spoilers. I'm getting AOH and TEOTW at the same time...! Eeeeeeek!

<3
Fabi

Darquesse